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My dad was on TV!

Rest in peace, officer John Pawlowski

Last Friday officer John Pawlowski responded to a disturbance on the highway. It was a robbery in progress and John was killed in the line of duty.

Today I went to his funeral and it was probably the saddest thing I have ever experienced. His pregnant wife, Kim, sobbed throughout most of it. President Obama wrote a letter to her which was very moving.

What keeps coming back to me now is the sea of uniforms in front of me. I couldn't help thinking that it very easily could have been my father in that box. My father going into the ground. I held his hand for most of the ceremony and tried not to cry, thinking about it.

Driving home, people had lined I-95 on either side to support John and his family and the Philadelphia police department. They had flags and signs and they lined up on overpasses and on the shoulder to see John taken to his final resting place. It was very moving, but also very sad.

The world is a frightening place when a city can lose 5 officers in less than a year. And when some the killers are career criminals... What is this world coming to?

Rest in peace, Johnny, Tim, Patrick, Isabel and Stephen. We won't forget you.

[Edit] My father is the second officer to speak on this video.

bad boyfriend

I fucking love this chick.

I'm so excited!

Yesterday I decided that my broken toe was healed enough for me to get back into the world of physical activity. I stretched thoroughly and took a little walk in the park with my brother and the puppy. Nothing too strenuous. We walked slowly so that I didn't hurt myself. Despite that, it felt glorious. The weather was just biting enough to put some color in my cheeks. When we got home my brother remarked that I looked "vibrant" in a way that I hadn't in a while.

This morning I did yoga, taking care in certain positions not to jar my toe.

I haven't felt this good in weeks. It's fantastic.

It occurs to me that, however minor a broken toe may be, this is the first time that I have seriously hurt any part of my body. I have never before had to deal with recovery time or anything like that. I have never been held back by an injury. It has been strange and frustrating. The odd positions that I have had to take in daily meditations have been drawing my mind back to the fact that I am breakable. It's strange. And uncomfortable. I'm glad that the healing process seems to be almost over. I can even wear normal shoes again! It will be good to have it fully done with.


OkCupid tests eat me :)

Your result for The Sweet-Evil Test...

Sweet Seduction

You are the type that's hard to say no to. So sweet you melt the heart, and with enough naughtiness to set the libido on fire. There's nothing fake in it, or so we hope, it seems likely you'll use your powers for good.

Take The Sweet-Evil Test
at HelloQuizzy

New Years 2009

This is where I spent my New Years.

Yes, it rocked.

I was kissed more thoroughly on this new years than I have ever been before. There was a limo. And champagne. I don't know what more a girl could want.

On a more somber note that seemed to come out of nowhere moments after I wrote what is above...

Today and yesterday I have been questioning myself. Questioning him. I'm not sure whether or not I can be completely satisfied the way that things are right now. We need to talk. I hate that feeling. That "need to talk" feeling. On the wake of several wonderful weeks, no less. I guess I am just never happy with things the way that they are in the moment.

I've been feeling remorseful and regretful lately. I would like to rewind to when I was in Germany and do some things right. But I can't. And I feel like a callous bitch for having done them wrong in the first place.

This new year is bringing some heavy feelings along with it. Living mindfully sucks.



I hope that you all get exactly what you want this season. Spend time with loved ones and family. Eat cookies. Remember that everything is low fat and low cholesterol on Christmas day!


I LOVE the History Channel

The History Channel has a documentary on right now called Sex in the Real West about prostitution in the American West.



Total WIN.


a "Real" entry

So for those of you who were able to read my last entry, I just thought you should know that I told him. He was just as good about it as we all knew he would be. I seriously need to kick Butters' ass for making me freak out so badly. If I'd had my druthers, he would have found out a little later, when I felt more comfortable. But oh well, that's over now.

Now, on to something else.

I had the strangest round of nightmares last night

My job is hell. I seriously hate working for Sean. Every time I turn around he's telling us how we have to be more dedicated to the restaurant. Meanwhile, he comes in to host, gets drunk and wanders away from the host stand to eat a steak dinner in the middle of a busy Friday night dinner service, fights with his wife and pisses off whenever he damn well feels like it. How can he ask us to be dedicated when the best he can manage is that? My favorite thing lately is when he turned to me and said he was tired of paying workers comp for people cutting their fingers and having to go to the hospital or getting concussions. I don't know if I wrote about this here, but apparently when I was on haitus for however long, Sean had a drunken fight with his wife and started throwing pint glasses at a wall. Scott got in the way of one of his throws, got a concussion and had to be driven to the hospital to get five stitches in his head. And Sean is seriously COMPLAINING about having to pay his hospital bills!!!!!! If it had been me, I would have called the cops, filed a report and pressed charges. He's lucky Scott was a spineless little wanker.

Lately the thing that's been making me especially crazy about Sean (aside from the drunken disorderly irresponsible wanker stuff) is that he has this fabulous policy where no employee can have the night off without getting a shift covered. Now, in any normal restaurant I would say that this was a normal request, even a reasonable one. But we have a very small staff and, on any given Friday or Saturday night, everyone who can work, is working. So when you want a Friday or Saturday off, you're pretty much shit out of luck unless the grace of God shines down on you from the heavens and grants you some kind of celestial reprieve. Speaking as a Buddhist/atheist, that doesn't bode well for me. So I have tickets to a one night only showing of Springs Awakening this coming Saturday and I need the night off. Not only do we have our usual cadre of people working (i.e. everyone), but two people are also on vacation and still two more have school dances that night. NO ONE can work for me. I offered Sean a solution that involved one of the hostesses serving for me while he hosted for her, and he blew me off. Yes, the concept of him doing any actual WORK is just an unacceptable solution.

God, I hate this restaurant. I am currently looking for another job so that I can give my two weeks on the 17th. Two weeks before New Years. I am going to leave them so far in the lurch that there will be no way of them getting out of it. And I don't feel at all badly. They treat me like some kind of mindless slave and then expect me to go out of my way for them and run to the store in the middle of service for whateverthefuck we have run out of that night. I used to do it gladly, but now whenever they ask me for a favor like that I just find myself thinking of how often the management at this place has done favors for ME, and I get angry.

Wow... that was a massive rant. But it needed to be said, I suppose. I'm actually starting to feel really stressed because I am looking for another job to start after the holidays, but the market is shit. I really don't want to have to work New Years Eve (until 3 am) AND New Years Day because Sean such is an unconscionable prick that he thinks we need every single person on staff for both of those nights. Oh, and his best little management decision to date was telling us that we were all going to be expected to work Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day next year because, get this, they both fall on Fridays......................................

I have to get the FUCK out of there.


Real entry to follow soonish

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In February I gave cuthulu a life-saving blood transfusion (50 points). Last week I committed genocide... Sorry about that, highheelslofi (-5000 points). In July I invaded Iraq, broke it, and couldn't glue it back together before Mom got home (-1012 points). Last month I saved a busload of nuns in Angola (326 points). Last Saturday I bought porn for karalita (10 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-5626 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!


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